You may recall a couple of blog posts ago, that I committed to buying a house, planting roots, investing in my future. I’m happy to announce, that thanks to a course I took in effectiveness, and the help of friends and family, we bought a great house that will inspire years of creativity, peace and fulfillment. What comes next will not be news to many of you: buying a house is really freaking stressful.
Between adventures in cosigners, slickster realtors (not our guy, he was great), tight timelines, old-fashioned insurance companies and the rectal exam that was proving income, employment, and history, I found myself in a constant state of stress for a good month. I also found myself in a sad and familiar place – face down in the toilet, barfing my guts out from eating too much.
Of course, it didn’t start there, at the toilet. It started with me getting really bored of swimming and not going anymore. Then forgetting to record my food for a couple of days. Not blogging as often as I was. Then having to hit a drive through because I didn’t plan for this or that. Then the little milestone celebrations: offer accepted (nachos), mortgage approved (BBQ and movie popcorn), taking possession (sushi). Maybe I’ll tell you the story one day of the hoops we had to jump through to get this done, but suffice it to say, it was a marathon and sticking with something through that much difficulty was foreign to me. I was uncomfortable, I was up and down almost daily emotionally, my defences were down…and I went to a familiar place for comfort.
The night our mortgage was finally approved (it was literally down to the wire on our conditions deadline and I had been sending documents back and forth all day) was an immense relief after one or the most difficult days of my life. I needed to celebrate, decompress, find relief and relax. We went for dinner. We went to a movie. There was bbq and corn bread and popcorn and a gall bladder upset with all of the fat that said, “Everybody out!”
As I knelt on the bathroom floor, heaving, a few things crossed my mind:
- How could I let this happen?
- This is the beginning of the end for me,
- What an epic failure this is, and
- Hey! I can kneel on the bathroom floor.
The fact is, it’s not the beginning of the end. It’s not an epic failure. It’s a part of the journey. I’ve lost 69 lbs – that’s a lot. I have a lot further to go – and I intend to go there.
Part of the reason I get so stressed out is I catastrophize. My brain is a constant refrain of “That’s it, it’s over. Everything is ruined. I’ll NEVER succeed. I’ll ALWAYS fail. This is the worst thing ever.”
Putting things in perspective will help me see this blip for what it is: a blip. Perspective will also help me manage my stress better the next time it hits. Because it will. And I need to be ready.
So, what’s next? I pick myself up, make a b-line out of the danger zone and make a renewed commitment to my health. I apply my effectiveness skills to a fitness-related goal and go for it with as much gusto as I did when I started Nourishing Camie six months ago. What should it be? Biking trip in Europe? Hiking the TransCanada Trail? Triathlon? The possibilities are endless, and I can create anything I want. Who’s with me?
Love & Light
For the Facebookers among you, here is a look at our new house 🙂