That’s me, the birthday girl at our kitchen table in 1978. If you asked them, I think my parents would tell you that the “know-it-all” in me was born around the time I was blowing out these candles. My baby book tells me one of my favourite expressions at this age was: “As you can see…” Ha! So cute…for a four-year-old.
I was praised for being clever. For me, there was no reward like a grown-up telling me how smart I was. From being able to read when I started kindergarten to wowing my teacher with a University reading level in elementary school, I learned early on to attach my self-worth to my intelligence. When I started to gain weight around age 7, smart became even more important. So did funny. If you’re going to grow up fat, you learn pretty young that you’d better have other attributes to keep you in the world’s good graces.
And so I excelled. Awards and achievements in academics and art. I was a smart, capable, go-to person. A leader. I had all the answers – and I wasn’t afraid to tell you about it. I was also an expert at losing weight. Why shouldn’t I be? I’d lost hundreds of pounds in my life. I knew the facts. There are 80 calories in a medium apple, drink a glass of water before every meal, avoid processed food, diet pop is bad for you, more protein, fewer carbs, a Zumba class burns 1,000 calories, don’t worry about the number, it’s a disease with a spiritual cure, don’t go on a diet, it’s a lifestyle change, don’t eat after 8 p.m., popcorn fills you up.
And every time I lost weight – and then found it again – I was gathering facts, and evidence of one thing I knew for sure: I can’t do this. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, but that doesn’t work for me” became the refrain when someone, anyone, tried to help me with advice – even doctors. Another thing I’d catch myself saying is, “I know HOW to lose weight, I just can’t find a way to motivate myself to do it.” I know, but I can’t. “I know” became an excuse, a barrier and a shield. “I know” went from being an attribute to a handicap.
There’s a difference between knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge lives in your brain; wisdom lives in your soul. I’ve been making my way through this world with a big brain that has left me with a big (albeit fabulous) butt. So how do I conquer my inner know-it-all and cultivate wisdom? Maybe comes in starting over right here, right now. Maybe going back to before I had all of this “knowledge”and looking at myself, my mind and my body anew will reveal things I couldn’t or wouldn’t see before. Perhaps really hearing what people are saying to me and approaching their words, suggestions and support as if it’s the first time I’ve heard it will open my mind, my relationships and my life. Maybe letting go of my ego will allow me to take hold of my possibilities.
This is what Nourishing Camie is about. I’m not just telling you my story, but also engaging you in it. I seek your support, inspiration, ideas and wisdom. Please share them with me. Tell me your stories, share with me your wisdom. Allow me to learn from you…I promise, I’m ready to listen.
Love and Light,