By the time I was 14, I had lived in eight different homes. Since then, I’ve moved 17 more times. That’s 31 places in 41 years. When this occurred to me the other day, I realized something: I have never planted my roots. I’ve had dozens of houses/apartments/basement suites, but I have never made a home for myself – in my body or in my life.
I’ve only just connected these two phenomena – but they are both symptoms of the same issue. Whether I’m packing up and moving or I’m hunkering down and eating, I’m looking to escape my present circumstances. I have always sought a geographic or gastronomical cure for an emotional problem and, in both cases, the “cure” only made the symptoms worse.
The impact of the overeating is clear – I weighed 330 lbs at the beginning of this Nourishing Camie journey. I had made my body an inhospitable place to be. Everything hurt, moving was excruciating, I hated the way I looked and the way people looked at me. My body was like a tenement slum in which my spirit was trying to eke out a life…and not succeeding. Over the last three months, I have been committed to giving my spirit a better home – and, thanks to you guys, and some good old fashioned determination, I’m getting there. I hit the 50 lb lost mark yesterday!
The impact constant moving may not be as obvious, but it’s most certainly real. By looking for happiness on the next street, I’ve never committed to building my own happiness. I’ve experienced the stress of packing, moving and unpacking 17 times in 20 years.
I’ve dealt with landlords who couldn’t care less about their dilapidated houses and landlords who came around a little too often. I’ve never been able to have a pet without the fear of being evicted and not being able to find another place who will take them. I’ve dealt with noisy upstairs neighbours and I’ve been the noisy upstairs neighbour. I’ve paid exorbitant rent for tiny places in bad neighbourhoods because I live in an oil town – all the while paying someone else’s mortgage. When it comes down to it, that’s where the real impact is. I have spent way too much time working way too many hours at jobs that don’t fulfill and inspire me all to invest in someone else’s future. It’s made me sad, it’s made me resentful and it’s made me fat.
And so, with the firm belief that creating room for happiness in my life is an essential part of restoring my health, I am declaring a new possibility. Instead of being sad, resentful and fat, I’m committed to being creative, fulfilled and at peace. Instead of running from the present, I’m committed to building a future. It is my intention to buy a home that inspires creativity, fulfillment and peace. It is my intention to plant roots, to build my own happiness, to make music and paint and work on projects that make the world a better place. To invest in me. And to finally have a place to call home. Wish me luck!
Love and light,